The Green Coffee Rant

Glenn gets a little green in the face, Dr. David Bruce Banner green, when shopping at a favourite delicatessen.
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Imagine going to your favourite wine store and seeing rows of rows of wine in opaque bottles with a single label that says “Wine.”

So, you are standing there wondering what kind of wine might be in those bottles.

Red, white or rose? De-alcoholised or regular? Country of origin? When was it bottled?
Type of grape? Estate bottled and produced?

green coffee This is the type of information you would be used to seeing before making your wine purchase.

A year or two ago, I was told that one of my favourite delicatessen stores in the area actually had green coffee for sale. I was surprised as I had been in that particular store many times and never had seen any green before.

I went to the store, perusing the several thousands of dollars of Illy, Lavazza coffee and many other exotic pre-packaged Italian coffees and lo’ and behold, I spotted a small package of green coffee.

That’s what the package said. “GREEN COFFEE”

That’s it. Nothing else.

The staff must be wondering why a one of their customers was laughing hysterically with tears in his eyes. Those tears however, were no tears of joy. Green coffee indeed.
Wine made with grapes. Very informative.

Many green bean internet retailers are little better.

The order page consists of a description: “Brazil” with a little box where you put the number of pounds you want and a submit button.

We need a better labelling system. One that says:

“We do not have any idea where this coffee is from or what it is. Possibly robusta. Do not buy as it is not good quality anyways and on top of that would be baggy, insect eaten and entirely undrinkable. Possible health risk. Beware of dirt, pieces of wire, concrete and the odd stone. We do not have any idea if this is current crop or past crop so do not ask.”


Glenn is a regular contributor to coffeecrew and is clearly getting grumpier in his advanced old age. Retail consultants charge hundreds of dollars per hour to get advice that may not be as good. The coffeecrew is committed to improving the consumer retail experience. {mos_sb_discuss:30}